Status updates for December 2025

Monday 1 December

Rest day before week with a few things scheduled in it. Not feeling too bad after the bonfire. Hoping the restorative nature of being outdoors offsets any fatigue.

Tuesday 2 December

Chum Daz came over today for a long overdue catch-up. He's also on medical leave, as it were, but his instructions are to go for walks and bike rides, so we won't be doing that together.

We talked about many things, some nice and dull, some a bit more agitating, but nothing that couldn't subsequently be offset by some jigsaw puzzling. It was a lovely hour.

Later on I researched how best to compost a meadow's worth of hay and reckon I've nailed it.

Wednesday 3 December

Popped into work briefly to take a few photos and get some flour. We got given an unwanted bread maker a while back and it's fantastic. Takes two minutes to load it up with yeast, flour, salt and water, press two buttons and five hours later it contains a hot loaf of bread. We've adopted a number of kitchen gadgets over the years – juicers, air fryers, courgette peelers – and they've all wound up back on the street WhatsApp group. But the bread maker is never leaving.

The joke at Loaf is that I'm the only person who works there who isn't really that passionate about food, let alone bread. I got the job for other reasons, so it's quite ironic that while I was signed off with chronic fatigue I started baking. Not that the bakers at work would recognise what I do as "baking".

Thursday 4 December

Rest day, mostly pottering, bit of prep for the compost workshop tomorrow but it wasn't too much effort. I know this stuff inside out so it's no pressure on my brain.

I started writing something about Wesley Streeting's latest bullshit but started to get lost in incoherent rage, and since this is supposed to be a rest day I'll leave it for now. (In short, diagnosis is medical, disability status is legal, ones does not equal the other.)

One of my social media posts went a bit viral. In the old days I'd have worried about it escaping my context bubble and probably have deleted it, but thankfully Mastodon has no rage-bait algorithm so it's all cool.

Friday 5 December

Did some compost training today at the RSPB site in Sandwell Valley, because this is what I do sometimes. It went very well - I like talking about my special interest! Fi came along to support and I had assistance from the person who hired me, so the stress levels were low, but this evening I'm knackered even though I was only really "on" for about 90 minutes.

Tomorrow will be a write-off – I can already feel the hard-to-describe fuzziness in my brain. Hopefully I won't be too grumpy. But it was worth it. For a short period of time today I was a useful person, good at the job asked of me.

Saturday 6 December

Rest day, so very little to report. Had the expected crash after yesterday and have been surfing the bad moods that come with it. It used to really get me down but recently I've decided to just let any thoughts just burn themselves out, figuring they need to happen and they'll pass in time. And it seems to be working. Yes, I'm grumpy and incapacitated today, but I'm not upset about it. That's a win.

Sunday 7 December

Rest day 2: Rest harder.

News today is Lav is showing signs of head tilt. On a Sunday afternoon when all the vets are closed. Because of course. Wally had this last summer so we know what to watch for and it doesn't seem too bad so far as she's eating. We'll phone the vet first thing in the morning and take it from there.

Otherwise we've got sucked into the snooker today. Never been a fan and have no real idea what's at stake but watching the quiet men knock the balls around while the commentators sound like David Attenborough is a good way to spend a rest day. Switched it on early afternoon and it's suddenly 11pm.

Monday 8 December

Lav went to the vet this morning who found nothing obviously wrong. Head tilt can be caused by any number of things so we're monitoring, but she seems absolutely fine this afternoon. Since her overnight poops were a bit small, and on the vet's advice, we prepared a feed of recovery food which is basically a grassy paste fed by syringe, and which Lav usually hates (she has very sensitive whiskers so getting anywhere near her face without a flinch is hard) but she wolfed it down with no complaints. Kinda annoying as preparing it is a ballache, but at least she's OK!

Realised that we've had Lav and Wally for a little over five years so they're around 5 and 6 years old now. A decent lifespan of a domesticated rabbit is 12 so, sudden keel-overs and terminal illnesses permitting, we're nearly half-way through this chapter. Feels odd as I still see them as kittens, unlike our previous rabbits who were all clearly grown up.

(The lifespan of a rabbit in the wild is about a year, because they're food. This is probably why, over their decade in our care, pet rabbits will randomly get ill and stop eating – evolutionarily speaking they're not supposed to still be alive.)

Tuesday 9 December

Crash day today, somewhat unexpectedly as I was doing much better yesterday. But there it is - CFS recovery is never linear I find. Spent most of the day in bed and with a drained lack of joy when awake. Roll on tomorrow.

Wednesday 10 December

This morning I had a message from my GPs surgery saying that because of the flu "we have been told to ask all patients attending surgery to wear face mask" which feels like a very long sentence for "please wear a mask".

Shortly after that I had a call from the Chronic Fatigue centre saying my appointment with the occupational therapist this Friday had been canceled because she has the flu. Hope it's not too serious. I probably won't get seen until well into the new year now.

Our local hospitals declared a Critical Incident yesterday due to too much flu in A&E.

We had the flu vaccine a few weeks back mostly because Fi was worried about me getting ill and it making my CFS worse, not because it was recommended or anything. It cost £25 which was certainly a sum of money but not a crazy one.

I'm finding myself wondering how much time and money (not to mention lives and quality of lives) would have been saved by rolling out the vaccine a bit more thoroughly and being a little more firm about masking when unwell. It's not like we haven't had a lot of practice in recent memory, or had a recently concluded enquiry into that period which said maybe the government could have acted sooner.

Or maybe that's the problem.

Thursday 11 December

Still not quite up to snuff today. Thought I might be good to do some work but nope, somethings off. Got the tinnitus warnings and the mild brain fog warning me to keep things light. Looks like the recovery from last Friday's workshop is a full week.

After posting last night I watched Breathless, the Goddard film that Richard Linklater has made a film about the making of and which I realised I'd not seen. In fact, other than Jules et Jim and Weekend, I haven't seen a lot of the French New Wave, which is something I should probably rectify.

Afterwards I did the Wikipedia deep dive, as I do, and my jaw dropped at the horrors Jean Seberg experienced over her short life. For supporting civil rights groups including the Black Panthers she was subjected the FBI's COINTELPRO programme to a campaign of harassment and defamation that ultimately led to her miscarriage and suicide.

It reminded me of how in the 80s, when I was growing up, there was this general sense that the FBI were the baddies and how curious and confusing it was that, as we moved into the 90s, Clarice Starling, Dale Cooper, Johnny Utah and Mulder and Scully were portrayed as good-guy FBI agents. I've never looked into it but I wonder if, as J Edgar Hoover's legacy faded, there was a concerted effort by the agency to clean up their image in popular culture. Or maybe I was just coming to the age where I noticed this sort of thing.

Friday 12 December

A good day! Went into work for an hour on my little scooter, took a bunch of photos of bread and pastries being made, and on the way back the sun was shining so I got some nice shots of the bare trees. If I only ever photographed rabbits and trees ever again I think I'd be happy. Needed a nap in the afternoon but otherwise feeling OK.

Saturday 13 December

A rest day, mostly pottering around doing small chores and online jigsaws.

Overheard a visitor, who like most sane people is ignorant of corporate tech shenanigans, describe the new iPhone operating system as something they were tricked into upgrading to, horrible to use, and reminding them of when novice users go overboard with Powerpoint effects and transitions. I can't think of a more damning criticism than to be compared to Powerpoint...

I'm still on the one before the liquid glass nonsense (who knows what number it is) and will remain so.

Sunday 14 December

Relatively quiet day, feeling the need to retreat somewhat, which is no bad thing. I'll save my reading for tomorrow.

Did make it out to the allotment for a bit of fresh air. Took the mobility scooter off-road for the first time, which was a small adventure as it's definitely not designed for that. It made it up the hill eventually, which opens up a whole new gradient for me to explore.

Wanted to see how much charcoal was left after the bonfire the other week. My sister had dug a pit so we could try this method but we never got around to it, so we just piled everything on the pit and had a normal fire. But of course the pit still did its thing and because we doused the fire a decent amount of charcoal was left behind.

In short, the wood in the pit will get hot enough to carbonise but no oxygen can make it through the fire above it, so the carbon doesn't burn to ash. It's so simple you can even do it by sheer accident.

And so we have a hefty bucket of charcoal now to make biochar with. Permaculture win!

Monday 15 December

Feeling pretty grumpy today, so trying to just ride it out and hope for a better tomorrow.

Tuesday 16 December

Much better today. No tinnitus or grumpiness though I'm proceeding with caution, banking the batteries for seeing a few people later in the week. And of course next week for which I would rather prefer not to be grumpy, for Fiona's sake if nothing else.

We put the tree up today. Is nine days early or late? Whatever, it's better than last year when it went up on Xmas eve. Decorating was a bit of a low priority in-amongst all the CFS shit. Having accumulated a couple of families' worth of decorations going back six or more decades our trees lurch from classy to tacky depending on the mood. This year it's more classy, I think, though if you look closely there's some proper tat in there too.

Wednesday 17 December

I checked my bank statement this week and saw a £10 payment from Department of Work and Pensions. I wasn't expecting this. Turns out this is my Christmas bonus from the government as part of my PIP eligibility, which I attained earlier this year for how the chronic fatigue has disabled me.

I'm kinda fascinated by this. We live in an era when the headlines are dominated by the welfare bill with benefits under threat from all comers, yet this has presumably been going on for quite some time under the radar. Maybe it's not worth cutting as it's such a small amount? Or maybe the optics of cutting a "Christmas bonus" are too much even for this zeitgeist.

I'm going to assume it's never gone up because inflation would not allow it to remain a nice whole number. When was it introduced? How much would it be worth in real terms today? And will it ever go up?

(And because I can't resist answering questions, it was introduced in 1972 (it's that year again!) and has never gone up. It should be worth £119.12 adjusted for inflation, it costs the state £185m and there are no plans to increase it.)

Thursday 18 December

This has been the sixth day in a row of me feeling unable to do much, if anything. According to the pattern of "my condition" I should have been capable of stuff yesterday or today, but I'm not. It's a good reminder that there isn't really a pattern to chronic fatigue. Sometimes recovery will be quick, sometimes it won't. This one seems to be on the slow side. Today's big achievements were loading the dishwasher and putting away my laundry. Oh, and not needing an afternoon nap.

It's very easy for this to feel like a failure. I've definitely gotten better at managing my capacity and my expectations over the last six months, and thanks to some good therapy I'm less likely to get angry and upset when things don't go as I'd hoped. But the fact remains this autumn was going to see me engaging with the world again and it doesn't look like much on paper.

I've managed about an hour a week on average at work and probably go out of the house/garden twice a week. I'm writing this blog, which is a major achievement in rethinking my writing practice, pacing it over the day instead of cramming in one session, but I haven't written anything more substantial than a few paragraphs.

It's a proper glass half empty / half full paradox, I guess. I have made progress, but I also haven't hit the marks I was kinda hoping I might. Which just means the marks weren't achievable and need to be adjusted, I guess. Known unknowns.

Really wish the NHS chronic fatigue centre had more capacity and hadn't been overrun with flu. I could really do with a chat with the occupational therapist there. Fingers crossed for an appointment soon after Christmas.

In the meanwhile farting this out to the handful of you lovely people reading this will have to do.

Friday 19 December

Better day. Made it out on my scooter to the pharmacy and popped into work to see everyone. But that was about it. Reflected on yesterday's musings (with some nice feedback from a fellow CFS sufferer) and feel better about things.

Also I used the word "promulgate" in a group chat. Always a good day when that happens.

Saturday 20 December

Rough night and subsequent morning with disturbed sleep and weird dreams but it must have worked through some subconscious shit because I'm not feeling so bad today. Tired, sure, but not grumpy.

Fi came back from Moselele's Xmas gig with fish and chips so we stuck on a movie and declared it date night.

In other exciting news I knocked over a hot cup of tea which splashed on my foot. Got my sock off before it did any serious damage. Phew.

Sunday 21 December

Said goodbye to a good friend who is leaving Stirchley. She isn't moving too far and may return, but it's still a sad day when a member of your little community departs.

I realised I never used to feel like this because I never stayed in one place for more than a 2-3 years. But since I shacked up with Fi fifteen years ago I've grown to appreciate what it means to have a geographically based community. It's nice.

Monday 22 December

Cruising gently towards Christmas day. Got a couple of short family things scheduled so I want to be ready for them.

Sister popped over today for a catch up. She'd been in New Zealand for my niece's graduation and was just getting over the jetlag. I'd asked for some merch from the university because she was at the Auckland University of Technology, which acronyms to AUT, so it doubles as autism pride merch. I now have a keyring and a weird mug (they were out of caps). Happy Pete.

Tuesday 23 December

I somehow managed to marry a person who cannot stand dried fruit in any form, including fruit cake, mince pies and Xmas pudding. Yes, I know. It's fucked up. And so around this time of year, because I don't do the meal planning (for both our benefits), I have to make a concerted effort to get my black gold deserts in, and then remember to eat them.

A little microwavable pudding from Aldi has been lurking in the cupboard for a couple of years, maybe longer, with an expiry of January 2026. And while it would probably be good for a while after that I was determined to see it eaten this season.

Tonight I ate it. It was glorious.

Wednesday 24 December

Christmas Eve happened. Went to visit Fi's family south of Birmingham for an hour, which was nice. Then I had a nap while she went to the Bournville carols-on-the-green, returning with a couple of chill friends for dinner. Probably reached my limit of activity and we'll see how it affects tomorrow, but tomorrow is traditionally a do-very-little day for us, so it's all good.

Thursday 25 December

Fi got me a crochet starter pack (some wool and a hook) so I guess I'm at the stage where crochet happens. Checked out the basic beginners video and it looks fairly achievable.

I got her a Jonathan Edwards print which looks gorgeous in the flesh.

Went for a walk along the river (well, I was on my scooter) with sister.

Had a very nice meal with Fi.

Then sister and niece came over for pudding and I retired to write this up. That's enough Christmas for one year.

Friday 26 December

Recovery day today. Slept for ages and had a grumpy headache, though it had mostly passed by evening. Trying to go easy on the brain and let it ride itself out. Yes, I did a bit too much these last couple of days, but I went in with open eyes and have no regrets.

Had the seasonal peanut butter and fruit cake sandwich for breakfast. It's as good as it was last year.

Watched the new Benoit Blanc which was good. Maybe not 5* good but perhaps it'll grow on me as I ponder it. Some good laughs with some big thinks about storytelling, which I definitely have an interest in. I shall be working through this long piece once my head is properly ready for it.

Saturday 27 December

Recovery day 2. Funny thing about betwixtmas, it lends itself to chronic fatigue recovery days. Despite what I tell myself I still have a lingering guilt about my enforced rests, but not this week cos everybody's at it. (For some value of "everybody" - I've done my time in the retail trenches.)

Sunday 28 December

Recovery day 3. Feeling mostly OK but very aware that I'm on thin ice and any exertion can tip me over. Started a conversation with Fi this afternoon that quickly got too interesting and had to shut it down as my head started ringing which has continued into the evening. That's probably what I hate most about this flavour of chronic fatigue, the limited capacity to engage intellectually with other people.

Being sofa-bound I was resenting the paucity of good reads on the internet this time of year, but I already have a backlog of tabs open from the last few days. Maybe tomorrow!

Monday 29 December

Bit groggy today. Mood is fine but having moments of mental fogginess. Otherwise OK. Went to bed feeling itchy, like a heat stroke, but not really. Woke at 4am soaked in sweat, then slept like a baby. Sort of like I'd popped, like a fungus releasing its spores, except it was heat. Or something close to that, maybe.

That old line "they should have sent a poet" should be used for chronic fatigue symptoms. Not that I'd wish this on a poet (and I really can't be doing with poets, truth be told).

Tuesday 30 December

Bit bored of saying how tired I am so here's my top 16 films I watched in 2025.

• The B-Side: Elsa Dorfman's Portrait Photography (2016)
• The Ballad of Wallis Island (2025)
• Blue Moon (2025)
• The Brutalist (2024)
• E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial (1982)
• The French Dispatch (2021)
• I Am Martin Parr (2024)
• Listers: A Glimpse Into Extreme Birdwatching (2025)
• My Old Ass (2024)
• Nosferatu (2024)
• One Battle After Another (2025)
• The Phoenician Scheme (2025)
• A Real Pain (2024)
• The Substance (2024)
• Sunlight (2024)
• Wake Up Dead Man (2025)

All of the above I rated five stars. I watched a total of 77 films this year (so far - might watch one tonight or tomorrow) and they break down like this:

16 at ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ - Best thing ever. Would rewatch and highly recommend.
36 at ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️☆ - Very good and a satisfying watch.
23 at ⭐️⭐️⭐️☆☆ - Adequate entertainment. Enjoyed it for what it was.
2 at ⭐️⭐️☆☆☆ - Don't exactly regret watching but probably wouldn't recommend.
0 at ⭐️☆☆☆☆ - Bobbins. Avoid.

The lowest rating is a bit misleading as anything that poor didn't make it past 15 minutes as so wasn't actually "watched". But I'm fairly happy with the distribution. Watched a lot of things, most were good.

From the four star list, a few that I'd like to draw attention to:

• Agent of Happiness (2024)
• Paying For It (2024)
• September 5 (2024)
• Sometimes I Think About Dying (2023)
• The Surfer (2024)

Something I'd like to change going forward is to dig a bit deeper into the archive and augment my bias towards new releases. Not just filling in gaps, particularly in continental European cinema, but to also revisit favourite films I've not seen since I was a young'un and see if they stand up to my wizened eyes.

If nothing interesting happens tomorrow I'll tell you all about the telly I watched this year. Fingers crossed, eh?

Wednesday 31 December

Still feeling fragile but was determined to make it to my niece's 21st for sushi and dumplings which she was making with my sis and bro-in-law. A nice time but I'm wiped now, of course. Le Sigh.