Status updates for October 2025
Thursday 9 October
Grumpy mood. Probably a crash after a couple of days of activity. Went outside briefly but no joy. Waiting it out.
Friday 10 October
Very low batteries today. Able to potter and do small things but quickly out of energy, so lots of time recovering on the sofa. Mood a bit better though, and improving through the evening. Fi brought back a load of spicy noodles - great for treating my sinus headaches.
Saturday 11 October
Rough night ending with an exhausting stress dream (like a nightmare but more annoying) so wasn't expecting much from today. Things improved slowly through the day and I felt able to do my therapy homework (see below) which felt good. I think I finally have a sense of what "masking" actually is now.
Sunday 12 October
I think today counts as "recovered"? Much better mood, for starters, and felt the urge to get out of the house, so off to the allotment to drop off the rabbits' shitty hay sacks. Allotment trips these days involve me doing about 10 minutes of topping up the compost heap and then collapsing in a plastic chair to watch Fi do stuff for an hour. But it was good to be outside with the trees and the big sky.
Monday 13 October
Second week back at work began today after my year off with chronic fatigue. Last week I did an hour on Monday which contributed to the massive crash later in the week, so had some anticipation going in. Did about 20 minutes of cash counting and had a quick chat about popping in again later in the week to talk about what my new role might look like.
Tuesday 14 October
Penultimate group session from the Birmingham hospital's chronic fatigue service this morning. This is an online meet with a bunch of chronically exhausted people at 10:30am so it's not the most sparky thing but the occupational therapist does a good job. Today was about the recovery process, though there isn't really a recovery from chronic fatigue, more reaching an acceptance and making adjustments to the new reality which hopefully enables some small improvements. And yes, there's grief work, though I think I'm between stage 5 (Loss of self and confusion) and stage 6 (Re-evaluation of life, roles and goals) so not too far to go to acceptance.
After my post-session nap I didn't feel too shattered and was able to have my sister and niece visit for a bit. Tomorrow is still being kept clear for a crash though. Might not happen but best be safe.
Wednesday 15 October
Today was a planned rest day so not doing much at all except resting my body and trying to rest my brain.
Thursday 16 October
A relatively loaded day where I've done two things – a meeting at work to figure out my new role there and a session with my therapist. Usually I'd space these out with a day in-between, but fuck it, let's see how it goes! If nothing else it'll be a date point. This evening I'm feeling a bit tired & wired with some tinnitus, but not too bad really. Tomorrow will be the tell.
Friday 17 October
Mostly a rest day, but I did go on an adventure to Balsall Heath, a few miles away, to see an exhibition at the MIAH gallery which Fi has a piece of work in. She drove, as I'm not really capable of driving right now, we used my disabled parking badge to get as close as possible, and the gallery was nice and empty, unlike during the launch. Was nice to get out of my square mile for a change.
Speaking of my neighbourhood, the flag wankers have been targeting Stirchley for the last few weeks leading to some fractious interactions with locals who really don't want their fascist nonsense around here. It's generating a lot of thoughts and feelings and none of them are particularly welcome in my head. I did not have "the location of this era's Battle of Cable Street could be my doorstep" on my 2025 bingo card. I sincerely hope it doesn't come to that, but the police and politicians are being shockingly derelict in their duties to protect us, and locals are starting to organise.
Saturday 18 October
Didn't sleep too well and was up relatively early for a "people who actually live in Stirchley against the arseholes who are coming here putting up flags in a fascist way" demo. I trundled over on my new mobility scooter and stayed for about half an hour, my intention being to just be a number rather than get involved in anything. It was an interesting occasion. About 150 of "us" against a handful of "them", kept in check by some police. Lots of music and sign making and general good humour with the flag wankers in one corner engaging in bad-faith "dialogue" and filming on their phones, waiting for someone to lose it. It's very clear what the tactics are – get good content to edit for culture war outrage clicks. Hopefully I'll have some energy to write something more about what they're actually up to as it's sort of new, and has nothing to do with flags or Stirchley. We're just content fodder. It's meme warfare. I've read a lot about this sort of thing but I never thought I'd see it on my streets.
As a side-note I saw a number of friends today for the first time in over a year and it was nice. Thanks to my battery-powered wheels I feel like I'm getting into the world again.
The rest of the day was a daze – the novelty of being exhausted from sleep deprivation rather than chronic fatigue, yet being too wired to nap, led to some interesting symptoms. Tomorrow is going to be interesting...
Sunday 19 October
Slept right through the night, which was good, but woke with a headache which hasn't gone away today. Payback for too much excitement yesterday, no doubt. So have been mostly doing nuffin, helped by it being the first proper rainy day of the autumn.
Monday 20 October
Rest day again as I have things in my diary for Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday and I'd rather not crash too hard. Brain still fizzing with a mild headache but I found a cure! Online jigsaw puzzles. About 140 pieces works well on my laptop screen and I can do them in about half an hour. Did a couple this afternoon and felt great.
Tuesday 21 October
Final group session from the chronic fatigue centre today. One of those moments where you don't think you've gotten much from it, and then you realise you actually might have, which is good. Was asked to set goals for the future and alongside gradually building up to 8 hours a week at work (which seems impossible at the moment) I said I'd like to be able to write usefully again. I gave myself two years to get to that point.
Wednesday 22 October
Achieved two whole objectives today. Had a phone call about some composting training for the RSPB later in the year which I managed to keep on time and on topic, and I went out to the pharmacy on my scooter to get my prescriptions refilled. In-between I did online jigsaws and listened to calming classical music, because tomorrow I also have two things on the agenda and need to pace myself. So far, so good.
I've found the "upload your own photos" function on the jigsaw website and have been doing so. Here's my profile. It occurred to me I'd been thinking about my tens of thousands of photos from and how I might engage with them, and this turns out to be a really nice way of spending half an hour or so actively looking a one of them. Even if it is of food waste on a compost heap.
Thursday 23 October
Managed my two things today and while I don't feel amazing, I also don't feel like warm poo, and that's a big achievement. Jigsaws really work for me as a grounding tool, letting the crazy brain buzz do its thing while I put pieces in the right places. So before and after each thing I do a jigsaw puzzle. Hey, whatever works works, right?
Thing one was my hour at work for this week where I'm taking photos. We don't have any decent recent pics and it's starting to show, so my task for the next month is to pop in when I feel able and get a decent spread. I haven't done this sort of work for quite a while but it's like riding a bike. A bit wobbly but one I get going it's fine.
Thing two was my weekly therapy session which went well though at the end my brain started seizing up. Time for another jigsaw.
Friday 24 October
Successful rest day. Managed to do nothing and think about very little. Not that I had much choice. Engine fully out of gas.
Saturday 25 October
Total crash day with additional lurgy. Utter write-off. Can't focus, can't deal with the most minor of problems, just watching telly and grazing the internet. Saw this coming of course - I've been dealing with this boom-bust chronic fatigue for a while now - but it's still dispiriting. Fingers crossed for tomorrow.
Sunday 26 October
Still properly crashed and nothing can fix it but waiting it out. I'd be bored if I had the wherewithal to be bored.
Monday 27 October
🤧
Tuesday 28 October
I am quite unwell. It's not Covid, thank gollygosh, but it's fucking debilitating. I'm beyond useless right now. And as a cherry on top I managed to chew the side of my tongue and have an ulcer which makes eating painful. Yay!
Wednesday 29 October
Woke at 5am drenched in sweat, like my side of the bed is a bath now, which is supposed to be a good thing right? The fever has broken? Except I haven't really had a fever? I don't know how this shit works, point is I feel a teeny bit better today, which I'll take. Also got some fancy pharmacy gel for my mouth ulcer which means I can chew food again. In other news, I have no other news.
Thursday 30 October
Still under the weather veering between sweats and shivers, but it's potentially entering the final phlegmy stages. I'm all about the steam inhalation and cough syrup today. Get that shit moving and out of my lungs please.
We had the great-neph over for a bit of half-term monitoring, hence Adventure Time on the telly listing below. I also shared with him my shockingly recent realisation that the 9th, 10th 11th and 12th months of the year are named seven, eight, nine and ten in Latin which blew his 9 year old mind. At least he won't spend 40 years in ignorance like me.
The 10 year calendar is kinda interesting. The Romans had a thing for decimals, so 10 months made them happy, but there are 12 lunar cycles in a year, so what about the spare two? Well, they happen in midwinter when nothing happens anyway, so who gives a fuck?
Friday 31 October
Getting better? Maybe? Definitely having moments of clarity in-between the hacking coughs and sweats, however brief they may be. And while the coughing is nasty it is productive, as they say, and having now seen what's in my lungs I'm glad it's moving on out.
Of course this is all playing out on top of my chronic fatigue and is my first major secondary illness since I got that diagnosis 18 months ago (being unable to socialise has some advantages I guess), so all bets are off as to how long it's going to drag on. I give it maybe til the middle of next week at the earliest?
Still, I'm getting plenty of telly in. We were due some new series to watch together and I'm dead pleased with both of this week's choices. Fi chose Riot Women, thinking it was a light-hearted romp a-la Lady Parts. It's not, but it's so much better that I'd dared hope. Joanna Scanlan in particular is fantastic. And I'd been waiting with anticipation for The Lowdown, Sterlin Harjo's big new series after Reservation Dogs, and it does not disappoint. We'd been watching a fair amount of prestige-esque stuff that hadn't really delivered recently and to have two shows on the go that are written and performed so bloody well is a delight.
